The Mom Motivation Hack I Didn’t Know I Needed

Why taking back tiny choices might be the secret to finally feeling in control.

I’m listening to a new book, Smarter, Faster, Better by Charles Duhigg—a book about productivity and connection. (Which is really just mom code for: “Help me do all the things without losing my mind or misplacing my cup of coffee… again.”) In the last sentence of the intro, Duhigg promises, “This is a book about how to become smarter, faster, and better at everything you do.”

Sir, as someone who constantly feels one step behind the power curve, two hours short on time, and three hours short on sleep, you have my full and undivided attention. If you can help me locate both my motivation and the missing charging cord, I will follow you anywhere.

But Duhigg argues that productivity isn’t about doing more, it’s about making better choices. Which, frankly, feels like a relief. If motherhood has taught me anything, it’s that doing more isn’t the problem -  it’s that the “more” never, ever, ever ends.

Every mom I know is trying to be smarter and more efficient with her time and energy. Who doesn’t want to be one of those mystical unicorn people who “achieve more with less effort”? Sign. Me. Up.

The book is broken into eight concepts that form the backbone of productivity—neuroscience, psychology, real-world stories, the whole thing. As I go through each chapter, I’ll share my thoughts here, translated through my lens as a constantly stressed, perpetually snack-serving, occasionally thriving, heavily caffeinated mom.

So let’s start with Chapter One: Motivation.
Specifically: How do we find it when the things we have to do are boring, hard, or smell like old socks?

Motivation, Mom-Style

Research shows humans are more motivated when we feel like we have choices. People with a strong internal locus of control—those who believe their actions influence outcomes—tend to earn more money, have more friends, stay married longer, and report greater satisfaction.

Meanwhile, those with an external locus of control—who believe their lives are mostly shaped by forces outside themselves—tend to be more stressed.

This is both fascinating and incredibly poignant.
Because if there’s one group of people who feel like their lives are run by external forces, it’s moms.

We don’t just live life—we juggle it. You can’t leave the house, start a hobby, or even decide your bedtime without running it through the full family logistics matrix. And nine times out of ten, your plans lose to someone else’s volleyball practice, last minute science project, or emotional meltdown when someone borrows their sister’s shirt without asking.

So is it any wonder that moms often feel unhappy, exhausted, reactive instead of proactive, and stressed out? It’s the classic external locus of control… with a diaper bag.

But here’s the good news: you can shift your locus of control.
And this is where it gets interesting.

Internal control isn’t a personality trait—it’s a skill. You can build it the same way the U.S. Marine Corps teaches new recruits to build it: by creating what they call a “bias toward action.”

Once you get a taste of how empowering it feels to choose—even in tiny ways—you start creating your own motivation. Suddenly you’re getting off the couch because you want to, not because the dog is staring at you like you owe him money.

As the Marines put it:
“We praise people for doing things that are hard. That’s how they believe they can do them.”

Honestly? Pretty solid advice for Marines… and moms.

We Already Do Impossible Things Daily

We forget how HARD our everyday mom tasks are.
Catching vomit with your bare hands? Should earn you a medal.
Navigating a grocery store toddler meltdown? Add that to your résumé under “Crisis Management.”
Listening to a high-schooler explain girl group drama for 47 consecutive minutes? That’s an act of love and endurance rarely seen outside the Olympic Games.

We do hard things constantly, and because they’re routine, we forget to praise ourselves for them. But when we do acknowledge it—internally or externally—we remind ourselves we’re capable, resourceful, and actually influencing the outcomes around us. That praise retrains our brains to see ourselves as people with agency.

Flipping Obligation Into Choice

Duhigg says if you can connect a hard task to a choice you care about, motivation emerges. I know this is true in my own life.

Fastest way to clean your house? Invite someone over you want to impress. Suddenly you’re achieving WWII factory-level efficiency with a bottle of Windex and a trash bag.

Or think about the things we swore we’d never do. If you’d told 16-year-old me that one day I’d calmly catch vomit with my bare hands, she would’ve laughed, gagged, or possibly both. But motherhood links the grossest, hardest tasks to something deeply meaningful: caring for the people we love.

Let’s Reframe the Drudgery

So here’s the experiment I’m trying:
What if I reframed the things I dread—housework, the endless school pickups, the nightly dinner slog—not as obligations but as choices that reflect my values?

And what if I got creative with them?

Like the mom who plays Irish pub music and imagines she’s closing down her tavern as she wipes the counters.
Or the one who saves her favorite podcast for the school run so she actually looks forward to it. Or the brilliant soul who curated a vacuuming playlist so good she basically invented Dyson cardio.

When they made those tasks theirs, they shifted the experience from “This controls me” to “I control this.” And that tiny flip—that reclaiming of agency—is where motivation lives.

So this week, I’m trying it. The chores I hate, the tasks I’ve avoided, the work that leans toward bitterness? I’m reframing them. Choosing them. Making them mine.

Want to try it with me?

What chore can you flip into a choice this week?
And how can you make that choice more enjoyable so the task becomes something you control… instead of something that controls you?